Private Journals of Agents Mulder and Scully
by Emlyn
Summary: Entries from Fox Mulder's and Dana Scully's private journal entries about their first impressions -- from "The Pilot" when they first meet and begin forming that unbreakable bond of trust.


Fox Mulder  
  
This morning AD Skinner pulled me into his office to give me my death sentence: the date of the arrival of my new partner. I wish I could claim to be excited. Truth is, I've never been with one partner for over a year and I'm beginning to think it would be best if I just worked solo. I mean, I'm in the basement, I can't possibly sink any lower, can I?  
  
Of course, I'm sure that's the point of them pairing me up with a new guy every year - they're trying to smoke me out completely. I wonder who it'll be this time. Skinner wouldn't tell me anything about him. Maybe he wants to surprise me. I don't like surprises in my job any more than I like them in my take-out Chinese dinner.  
  
---  
  
Well. That's a switch. I checked with Danny and he was able to hook me up with a portfolio of my new co-worker, who arrives tomorrow. "Dana Catherine Scully." As soon as I saw the name on the front I recognized it. She's a big brain a lot of people in the medical field upstairs have been talking about, and I've heard of her senior thesis, "Einstein's Twin Paradox". I've been up most of the night reading it and the other files that were in her portfolio. I have to admit it's impossible for me to dislike her. She sounds positively brilliant. She seems to know everything there is to know about science, medicine, and other proven facts of natural occurrences, and kudos to her for her intelligence, but I doubt either she or I can benefit from our being paired together.  
  
Which is, of course, the whole point. Pity she's solely here to spy on me for the A.D. This Scully's ID photo is included in her portfolio and she's kind of nice-looking . . .  
  
Okay, she's beautiful. But I still doubt I'll succeed in keeping her around for a long period of time, unless she carries sunflower seeds with her like I do, in which case I'll do everything in my power and more to keep her in this basement.  
  
---  
  
I do not think she carries sunflower seeds but I forgot to ask. I would have seen them in a pocket if she did, her suit fits her so well.  
  
Actually, I'd forgotten she was coming in today after finding all those slides of Karen Swenson and the others.  
  
When she did arrive, I noticed her eyes scanning the posters on my wall incredulously. But when she looked down at me, she seemed to have enough tact to fake a respectful expression as I shook her hand. She introduced herself politely, stating that she'd been sent to work with me. I very much doubted the sincerity of that statement. She must be as aware as I am about exactly why she's been sent to "work with" me. However, when I pointed this out, she looked slightly discouraged and started to assure me of her credentials.  
  
She sounded honest, which is more than I can say for the many of the hot- shot geniuses that work here. And she sounded honestly happy about being in the basement.  
  
But she's also a skeptic. She's just as disbelieving of the paranormal as I expected her to be. The trip to Oregon tomorrow is going to be one hell of a job. Now I'm excited. I can't wait to expose her to this weirdness in Oregon and see how her scientific mind gets out of that one. Plus, it'll be useful to have her medical knowledge. I want to find out what those spots are on the victims' backs . . .  
  
Dana Scully  
  
Fox Mulder is not an easy man to understand. Everything he's shown me so far I can think of ten perfectly reasonable explanations for, yet he seems determined to believe there is something supernatural, or - alien involved. That is not to say, however, that I dislike him or I regret being here to work with him. The case we are working on now has its share of scientific mysteries.  
  
Additionally, Mulder himself is likable enough. I've heard him described as conceited and obsessed, but I see neither - well, perhaps obsession, I suppose, but other than that he simply seems wholly dedicated to his beliefs. He was cordial to me when I introduced myself, which I'm grateful for, considering he knew of the Bureau's intentions to use me to debunk his work.  
  
---  
  
Apparently you do not get top-notch hotel rooms when working for the FBI. I'm sure Mulder could not care less. He's unbelievably excited about this case. Personally, I don't know what to make of it, which is going to make my field report difficult.  
  
LATER  
  
Mulder just knocked on my door to ask if I wanted to go jogging. He said he was way too wired to sleep. I can't understand him. I felt like falling asleep right at my laptop, and Mulder was bouncing on the balls of his feet he was so energized when he spoke to me.  
  
There's something . . . I don't know. There's something different about him, something more than his dedication and obsession to his work; he's got specific qualities that I have never seen in a man before, qualities I can't quite describe, not yet. I'm not only talking about his sense of humor. He is so serious about what he believes in that it's no wonder he'sthe victim of many of his co-workers puns and jokes, and one would think there's got to be an end to his confidence and his courage, but I can't see it.  
  
---  
  
I don't believe this! I can't believe this is happening. Nine minutes lost? I can't believe Mulder would actually blame a malfunction in his watch on a U.F.O. I've realized that he seriously expected to find evidence of alien abductions in this case before we drove out here. He was reluctant to admit that, for fear that I would make him look uncreditable in my official field report -  
  
The field report. That's a problem. I'm not sure what I'm going to type up for the Assistant Director. While I am absolutely positive that these deaths can be rationally explained, the truth is I haven't yet found proof of a rational explanation. I don't know what those marks on the victims' backs are, or how they are linked to their deaths. I don't know what the metal object in Ray Soames' nasal cavity is, and I don't know what we found buried in the cemetery. It can't possibly be an orangutan like I first thought.  
  
I'm going to finish up the last inconclusive paragraph on today's field report and then take a shower.  
  
Fox Mulder  
  
I don't think she believes me. I think she respects me, which is enough of a pleasant surprise to sustain me from getting mad at her, but I don't think she believes me.  
  
God, I want her to believe, and I think she wants to believe too, deep down, but she won't let herself. She's seen so much in the past few days, I can kind of understand why she's reluctant.  
  
I told her about my sister. That in and of itself is enough to explain what I think about this partnership. I've never outright told any of my previous partners about Samantha, but she wanted to know . . . she's the first one to inquire after the reasoning behind my dedication to the search for the proof that extraterrestrials exist. Most of the other agents passed it off as a childhood fantasy I never let go of. Now I want to trust Scully, and I want her to trust me. Even though she doesn't believe half the things that come out of my mouth, she's followed me this far, and she's helped me in every way I've asked her to and more.  
  
I just hope I can trust her.  
  
I also hope next time we happen upon an alien abduction case she gets mosquito bites on her stomach. And the time after that on her -- Mulder, she's your partner. All right. Now I'm talking to myself. I think it's time for me to stop thinking and get some sleep.  
  
2 MINUTES LATER  
  
I was shocked when she came in and took that robe off! I mean, I knew immediately that she wasn't hitting on me or anything because Dana Scully is not the type to do that, but I got excited anyway. It was perfect. I also knew immediately they were mosquito bites, but she was obviously worried, so I took the initiative to get closer to her with the candle and touch her skin. You'd never think that skin was so soft when Scully herself can be so cold. I behaved myself, though. I didn't touch anything but her back and, to be truthful, I wasn't tempted to. She's Scully.  
  
It was fun anyway.  
  
Dana Scully  
  
I am back in Washington and now face the trials of finishing my report for the Bureau on Agent Mulder's methods in the X-Files. I must write the truth . . .  
  
But what is the truth? My previous beliefs have been so shaken I'm not sure I know what I think about this case.  
  
I know what I don't think. I don't agree with Mulder that an alien light controlled Billy Miles and I don't think those red marks were left by medical tests, but what little evidence we have points nowhere else.  
  
The Bureau will not accept that. I will not accept that. But I cannot lower myself to denying what I saw in Oregon was the epitomy of "unexplained phenomena". I must write everything I experienced exactly as it happened.  
  
What I'm afraid of doing is exposing Agent Mulder and the X-Files as fruitless through my lack of scientific evidence. It was all destroyed in the fire. I don't even have my own certainty, because I am certain of nothing except this:  
  
Mulder's work is not fruitless. He speaks about the truth as though it is a sacred rarity, and is so determined to find it, not for his own benefit, but for his sister's, and for Truth itself, and I believe someday he will find it. I saw it in his eyes. After I saw that light in the woods he came to me with an expression of such excitement, such childlike wonder -- most of the rumors were true; he is brilliant, he is spooky; but his efforts in the X-Files are not wasted as most seem to think. After what I've seen, I still do not understand it, I still do not believe it, but I believe in Mulder. And I know what I have to do. I will follow him. 


End file.
